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[gen] koi

& through the cloak of mist we found..

{4/26/2012} On shipping, Zutara, and the misogyny of Asami.
[lok] amon
I will never be afraid to admit that I was a Zutarian, and even though I fully accept the canon for what it is, I still kind of ship it deep downI knew that my ship had a very minimal chance in actually becoming something, and to be honest, I think the entire ship got A LOT of slack with some moments that, in my opinion, were more touching than a lot of interaction between Aang and Katara. The reality of the series, however, was that it wasn't created to appease fans on who was going to bang who, but rather unfurl a story that was enchanting, heart warming, and exciting.

I'm not saying that shippers in general are immature, because lord knows I still ship tons of things together, but I believe that, now being older, I'm able to detach from things that aren't extremely important to me, such as fictional relationships. If a pair don't get together on paper, it's okay. Hey, it might suck if there were episodes of build-up for the characters relationship and it ended up short, but it's not the end of the world. When Zutara wasn't canon, I didn't throw up my arms and cry to the heavens, blaming Bryan and Mike for all of my pent up frustrat-oh wait...not gonna lie, I kinda did. Embarrassing to admit, but yeah.

But in the case of Korra, the shippers are already at full force with being way too overprotective of their preferred relationship, specifically those who want Mako and Korra to get together. I think it's been well established that there is obviously something going on between the two which, to be honest, I wasn't too enthused about. Making relationships painfully obvious in canon only spells out trouble for any possible future roadblocks for the relationship, which usually results in tons of fans being pissed off that, for a brief second, their desires aren't being met. & I honestly can't believe I used to be like this.

Again, spoilers for episode 4, lol.Collapse )

{4/20/2012} A recap of the past week's events
[gen] koi
This week has been eventful and hectic, and although I feel pretty worn out due to lack of sleep and too much driving, it was worth it. It's amusing how I'll have certain weeks where I have literally nothing planned, and a sort of gloom settles in my soul in its desire to go out and socialize. When I do have those weeks where my schedule's filled up however, I just feel overwhelmed and want to crawl into a hole and tune out the rest of the world...it's an odd life, hehe. 

This has been the first week in nearly a month where I've actually slept in my own bed. Maybe to many it's not a huge deal, but seeing as how I've never left the nest to live in another place, it was kind of weird coming back to my place. My uncle and aunt were presumably staying at our house for a mere few days, but the visit prolonged by a few week, and I opted at staying at my boyfriend's place because seriously, which person contest the idea of being able to sleep next to your significant other for an unknown amount of time? Buutt after a while, the bed which is my own calls for me and I do tend to miss the mattress that was designed for usage in hotels (i.e it's really fucking comfy), and coming back to it was amazing...although I do just wish I could take my mattress and take it to the beau's place, since we've been sleeping on the couch sofa for nearly a year. -_-

In any case, besides school being unfortunately boring this week, I spent Tuesday afternoon sunbathing with a good friend of mine while discussing health and music, which kind of motivated me to get back on track with my vitamin intake. It's important to be taking some sort of supplement in order to give you much needed nutrients, so for the past week I've been doing that. I do feel a bit more mobile than usual, but who knows. Her mother is the main director of this popular theatre venue in Santa Monica known as The Edye Broad Stage, and she invited me to see Mikhail Baryshnikov in a play titled "In Paris," which I obviously had said yes to.

My mother and I had a wonderful dinner in Downtown LA at this restaurant named Chaya, which is a fusion between Japanese and French cuisine. They had a special Happy Hour menu in lieu of the Cherry Blossom Festival, so we sat on the patio of the restaurant, sipping on delicious cocktails while having some selections from both their main and happy hour menu. Needless to say, the food was amazing. I had a Kabocha gnocchi with goat cheese and my mother had order an authentic paella, among other things.

Couple of pics under cutCollapse )

By this point during the week, after having driven from Hollywood and back, to Hollywood again, to Downtown and then BACK home again, I was completely exhausted, but still I kept going on! The little train the could wouldn't be stopping for anybody! Thursday I had my dermatologist appointment for the dry patches on my neck and skin, but somewhat unfortunately it wasn't flared up so the specialist wasn't able to get a great look at what was going on. The specialist believes it to be eczema, which would make more sense because at least I had it (on my hands) when I was younger, and has prescribed me some creams to help eliminate the patches. Thankfully, they aren't too bad, but that's not going to deter me from applying the stuff every chance I can get.

And finally on Friday, today, my mom and I had the pleasure of going to see the play which was astounding. My friend had kind of spoiled me on the fact that it was going to be very weird and avant-garde, but the way the story was portrayed, as well as all the vocals and instruments having that raw, live feeling to it, made the story all the better. The play is entirely in Russian, save the for introduction of Baryshnikov's character, which is in French, and it tells the short tale of a comedically tragic love story between and ex-general and a house maid whose husband isn't in the country, and how their brief love affair transpires. Being only about and hour or so long, it doesn't go into too much detail, but is enough to allow the audience to understand the plot and the characters backgrounds. In short, it was obviously written and directed by a Russian. The sardonic and dry humor of the entire play was heavy and, in my opinion, severely entertaining, and I actually wish to see it again, but unfortunately it's on its last weekend.

And now I sit here writing this, with laundry tossing around in the background and the roomy dimly lit by one lamp, wondering what I am to do for the weekend. Probably nothing, honestly...play some more Skyrim and enjoy the warm weather that is supposedly coming our way. Or go for a walk. Whatever it may be, at least this past week has been socially invigorating!

{4/15/2012} In which Game of Thrones..
[gen] koi
After much talk about the series and my obsession with it, I've fully introduced the wonderfully wicked world of Game Of Thrones to my boyfriend. As we were perusing around Best Buy for new game titles, he decided that he wanted to buy the first season box set of  the series, with my full consent. It hadn't even been a day and he has near fully caught up, and is now gearing up to start the second season. After re-watching the entire first season with him, I've decided that Game of Thrones is possibly one of the best filmed television series at the current moment. I didn't take the time to notice how detailed they were in the smallest of things...dress, banners, little gazes, placement of certain peoples...it makes perfect sense and tells parts of the story where the dialogue could possibly fall short in.
[Spoiler for those who haven't seen]
For example, when Tywin and Jamie Lannister are discussing the possibilities of an imminent war, and all throughout their conversation, Tywin is gutting and skinning a stag, the Baratheon's crest, symbolizing the desire of death for the current king Robbert.

And the fact that all Starks wear furs of their crest, which symbolizes the pride and the loyalty that the animal represents for their family; and the Lannister's all wear fox furs, further insinuating their deceitful and sly nature. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it, who knows.

All I DO know, though, is that I can't wait to re-watch the episodes of season two ASAP so I can squee all over myself. Have a party by myself in the dark while I cry tears of love for Jon Snow and Tyrion. 

Also, I noticed that there were tons of scenes that would involved Jon Snow and then instantly cut to Daenerys...SHIP?

{4/11/2012} On gyms and booty
[gen] a flower for thought
I went to the gym today and MAN does it feel amazing to get my body active again! Although the first day is always the hardest, I really do want to continue going and getting the endurance to do dynamic activities. I might be skinny, but that definitely doesn't mean that I'm in shape, and though I dance in my room once in a while, it doesn't add up to getting good exercise. I went to Zumba, which is a class where there is up tempo music and energetic movements that involve literally all parts of the body, and it's exhilarating, but it'll kick your ass if you're not fit. I haven't sweat that much in a long time, which is a great thing.

I feel like as of late I haven't been taking good care of my body, both inside and out. My diet is quite bipolar, where one week it can include tons of carbs, protein, sodas and junk foods; or on the flip side, I have home cooked meals with iced tea, drink tons of water, and try to avoid any excess foods. I can't really blame anything other than I just don't really check on my intake, and I just eat whatever comes. I'm thankful that I can at least choose, rather than have nothing at all.

It probably also has to do with the way I've been feeling about my body recently. Earlier in 2011, I started to have a lot of skin problems all around my neck and back area that initially was presumed to be a sun allergy, and which later was, again presumably, diagnosed as Psoriasis, or some other type of skin irritation/infection. I went to the doctor and it seemed to be getting better until it crept up as a dry patch under my eye, in the crease of my eyelid, all over my forehead...basically a larger portion of my face was extremely dry, a tad flaky, and pinkish; I also had a huge red patch on the fold of my neck as well. So now I'm going to a dermatologist soon to see what the hell this is, and what exactly I can do or take to alleviate it. From what I was reading about Psoriasis, it's usually triggered by the white blood cells working over time to try to fight an infection that isn't really there, and instead of shedding that area of skin regularly, the cells shed at a much slower pace, and thus causes complications.

Alternatively, I've been told that generally those with a skin condition like this over produce the bacteria that protects the skin, and when there's an opening in the skin for the bacteria to slip in underneath, it causes these problems. In any case, it's an annoying and uncomfortable feeling to look in the mirror and see a red patch under your eye as if you've been beaten up by someone. I'm trying to avoid putting foundation or concealer around that area so it can breathe as much as possible, but sometimes I just need to conceal the redness because it's too much.

Another thing I did recently was cut most of my hair in a bob style, by myself. I've decided to stop going to hair stylists because none of them know how to work with curly hair, and I don't really plan on dropping more money on a "specialist" when I can deal with my own hair, since I know it best. Unfortunately, my last conquest in trying something new didn't really suit me and although many people love my short hair, I'm beginning to get annoyed by the poofy-ness, the thickness, the incessant wave of frizzed up hair that flies into my face. I haven't cut it this short since middle school, which was awkward-town for any pre-teen, but thankfully it hasn't look too bad this time around, just all over the place. I love my hair, I really do, but sometimes it's a bitch and a half to deal with. So I keep on putting my hair up, so that coupled with my skin condition is just making me feel a lliiittttllee bit self conscious, but it's all good.

That, and my breasts being big and making most of the clothes I wear look awkward, but that's beside the point. I will never speak ill of my precious gems!

Going to the gym gave me a revitalized look on how I am in physique. Some of the women in the locker room just don't care if they walk around naked...good for them! I happened to be one of these people, and it's not about showing off your goodies, it's about being comfortable in the skin your in, although I don't doubt some of those ladies just love to parade their bodies around to show their progress. I shouldn't worry if I'm too skinny or too whatever, I accept my body for what it is: beautiful and natural. I might put on some makeup and glamorize myself, but at the end of the day, my tricks of the trade are the things that my mammy gave me, and I will try to never take those things for granted.

{4/11/2012} April Showers bring...?
[gen] pink umbrella
According to the sudden patter of a thousand droplets on my window, it appears that April showers do indeed occur! It might've been beautiful weather earlier this week, but it seems to have been replaced with a sudden spring shower, and honestly I don't seem to mind. I might be waking up early tomorrow to tackle a three day trial gym offer with a friend, and it still might be raining consistently, but I don't mind!

The very same friend, Tara, and I decided to make Mac n' Cheese cups today after attempting to start our trial today, but with the gym being swamped with people, we opted to just go tomorrow. A pretty straightforward recipe, one makes the macaroni and cheese as one would any Mac N' Cheese dish. Then proceed to fill muffin tin sheet with the elbow pasta, bake for about 30 minutes or so, and voila! Nom-central. Unfortunately I didn't snap any photos of our own attempt (and success) at it, but there is a perfect example of how it looks like over at the wonderful Cupcakes and Cashmere blog. We altered the recipe just a bit, adding a bit more spices into the mix to give it an extra tang that we didn't think we would find in the original recipe, and it turned out pretty well.

I just realized that I've been staring at the same photo of Rachel from Friends settling down onto her couch as if she's trying to hold in a massive deuce, and haven't done anything about it. The silence is rather comforting, but every time I look up, I just see her face as if she's giving birth. It's kinda funny.

{4/9/2012} The Lion's Den
[gen] koi
I have always wondered how life would be like living away from my family, whether it be by myself or with someone else, but it's been a dream of mine that I always thought wouldn't be possible. I'm quite close with my family and have grown up on "family first, everyone else second" values, so to imagine leaving the nest to live on my own always seemed selfish. When I finally started coming out of my shell and realizing that being an individual away from the home was okay, I started to feel more alleviated from the stresses of home. I burden myself too much with everyone else's problems and in most cases make them my own in the worst ways.   Most of the time someone would get angry at me, I would take the blame upon myself and feel as if I was the problem...and to be honest, I still do that now and then. Old habits die hard, eh?

As I've said before, I'm a very self conscious and paranoid person. I wouldn't be surprised if I have a bit of depression that's rubbed off from my dad who's clinically depressed. At random times, these attributes of my personality surface and it hurts a lot, but I try not to make that the focal point of who I am. There are many times in a day where I believe everyone dislikes me, not for popularity reasons, but I just don't like the feeling of being alone. Hell, I can't fall asleep without having a podcast or something on that has people conversing in it. Many of these times, however, comes from me feeling guilty with my family, and how I feel in my head that I've abandoned them somehow, but in my heart I know that I need to fly off and experience life on my own terms.

I think that's what makes going to university worthwhile for many people in the beginning of their higher end scholastic career: the thought of being free and able to do whatever it is you want, free from restrictions imparted by parents. If you want to go to Taco Bell at 5AM with a group of friends; if you get invited to a party at 1 in the morning; if you sleep in till 3, so be it. All that is good and fun, but to honest, I would love to just have a place where I can sit in the dark without any interruptions...I want a home life, a safe haven where I'm able to relax and ease in to a couch and play a video game or watch the newest episode of Mad Men or Game of Thrones.

This huge roundabout leads me to the focal point of my entry, which is that for nearly a year, I've been slowly ebbing away from my house and into my boyfriend, Joe's, and honestly it's amazing. My uncle and aunt travel to LA every once in a while to crash at our place for free, which originally was infuriating but now has become something of a blessing for me. I allow them to sleep in my bedroom, and I just stay at Joe's place. I feel like this house is more mine than my own bedroom because I helped choose the apartment, I helped move in and buy furniture, clean and cook and do laundry. And those moments, like right now, where I'm by myself in this house that I used to feel guilty for staying over so much because I believed that I had obligations, is feeling more of a home than I have ever felt. Here there are no judgments that make me feel weak and unnecessary, here I reign over my domain. I might not be paying the rent or the bills (at the current moment), but damn do I earn my keep by keeping this place not looking like a bachelors den.

For instance right now I'm sat on the couch with nothing but the clacking of my fingers on keyboard and the occasional rev of an engine moving down the street to accompany me; windows all open to allow fresh air to come in and a nice cup of oolong-cha as refreshment. & it's the safest I've ever felt, because I feel like me. I don't feel like I'm taking on the shadow of someone else, I'm just me as I am now, and no one can change that. And that self consciousness, depression, anxiety and paranoia that greet me when I walk out the door just happen to melt away.

{4/6/2012} On Good Friday
[gen] koi
The beautiful days are upon us, for tank tops and booty shorts have already come back to life! I'm a jeans kinda gal myself, so I'll leave the skin flashing up to the other pretty girls who glide around the streets. I finally got around to replacing my battery on my laptop, allowing it to last more than 10 minutes on [presumably] 97% battery life...t's good to have my computer off the hook without feeling as if I'm working with a ticking time bomb, threatening to erase everything that's open on my desktop. It's amusing to see Apple employees give you blank stares when you ask about "archaic" technology such as the original power adaptor, which isn't something that's that far off in time. So I wasn't aware that there were different MagSave power adaptors for the older versions of the macbook, but no one explained that to me, and it took me forever to finally get the new batter ($140 -_-) and a new power adaptor ($80+ -_-;;)...unfortunately it's just soooo fucking expensive to take care of computers, and it's reminded me why I've taken so long to get it replaced in the first place.

Today is Good Friday, and in respect for my grandmother I have abstained from eating meat today, even though I've forgotten about the holy rule every other Friday leading up to it. Even though I'm not entirely convinced of the religion in general, I do it out of traditional value for those in my family who do. This year is the first, however, that I'm purposely trying to think of a reason to skip out on Easter Sunday, just because I find the celebration of something like this to be so false. The holiday holds different meanings for everyone, but I feel with my family it's as if it's celebrated out of obligation, not out of festivity.

Maybe I just think that religion has become more of a nuisance than something to be celebrated. I still don't know where I stand in terms of my beliefs, more due to the fact that I feel like I should focus more on tangible things than contemplating what side I should be on. I personal believe that there is something there, but I'm not choosing any religion because of all the assholes that are in the forefront. I don't believe in religion, but I have my own personal beliefs that I hold close to my chest. Plus, I don't like thoroughly discussing religion since it has stunted societies progress in important fields. If anything, I just think that obsessively holding on to something as destructive and archaic as old religions is just detrimental to both personal and universal growth.

It is fun to natural dye eggs, though, which I did a few years back with beets and cabbage. Stinks the place up something musky, but it's worth saving yourself from processed dyes, and it's A LOT more rewarding. I kind of want to do it again, but I'm not going to  be at home, nor do I have the space in the kitchen to do anything like that...& I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate me boiling vegetables that he dislikes, hehe.

{4/6/2012} On personal feelings and skyrim
[gen] koi
I honestly haven't had a good night's sleep in literally forever. Blame it on the caffeine, the diet, the environment or whatever, but I blame it on years and years of perfecting my life as a Nite Owl. There are times where restlessness does wear on me, but I'm beginning to accept that I actually prefer not sleeping and taking in the night than to miss out on the witching hour to wake up rather early.

There's something so attractive about the nightscape. The mystery, the beauty, the immense depth and feeling one feels when looking out towards a starry sky. I've never felt small when looking out, I've only felt a part of the universe, and am thankful that I get to sit and admire the veil of black the true sky has to offer.

It doesn't help that I've been (unhealthily) playing Skyrim for the past month, and it takes all of my strength to not speed the time in the game to only travel during the night, where the two moons of Tamriel are bright in the sky, and in some cases the spectacle of the aurora borealis paints the night. Seriously, such a beautiful game.

It's funny coming back to livejournal, writing about something that really doesn't hold any weight, not really writing to anyone but myself. I don't really expect anyone to read these, seeing as how it's been ages since I've truly updated here. But in a sense, it's a good place to remember that I have some bit of writing prowess, and it allows my mind to unload. I've been having some anger issues lately when it's come to dealing with problems, wanting to hit something, not someone mind you, out of unreleased tension. It's not a healthy way to deal with things, so I'm trying to recollect my thoughts and use old mediums of stress relief to help me. Hopefully, this does help.

Another problem is that I keep on assuming that everyone has abandoned me as a friend, even though I know it's not entirely true. I'm inherently self conscious, and I hate when I feel like people have been conspiring against me when I really haven't done anything wrong. I feel like at this point in life, where we're all older and shouldn't be giving as much of damn about how other people perceive us, or go out of our way to hurt others, the paranoia stemmed from all of us has gotten even worse. I just need to tell myself that it's fine to only hold a handful or two of friends, and not have a list of people who I consider "besties". I'd rather talk to one or two people about my personal problems rather than ask the help of five or six..then it just doesn't feel genuine.

Wind blows and my mind wanders off to personal feelings that I wish I wouldn't cling on to so obsessively. I aspire to only care about the opinions of those closest to me, and remember that others who judge clearly don't know who I am as a person, and I how I truly do sacrifice a lot of my emotional well being for the ones I hold dearest to.

I just need to remember to breathe and hold myself better and that will translate to my external personality.

{4/2/2012} Beautiful weather
[gen] koi
The day is beautiful and clean due to unexpected rain. Sometimes those spells of showers are the best of any due to its spontaneous nature. The wind follows, blowing away any and all toxins from the air at least for a little while, so those of the city can remember how true air tastes like: sweet and with a hint of citrus. The ambient feels like one is wading through tropical waters, lukewarm and inviting, begging to be walked in for the duration of the day. & who can blame it? There have been dozens of these days peppered around the years, those perfect days where weather is on point and the mutual feeling of all is one of ease; one of released tension due to winter months ebbing away from the air.

Besides trying to be somewhat poetic, today is a beautiful day with an amazing feeling coursing through it. Nothing special about it besides it being that right amount of warm that makes the skin tingle with niceness, and even if I'm completely sleep deprived, I can't help but want to experience the day full on with my shoes kicked off and my window completely open for fresh air to drift in.

Went out to walk my dog to find in our little pond a beautiful gem of a photo-op:

Beauteous! Such a small gift from nature and I couldn't help but get up close and personal to immortalize the moment of insect resting upon the shell of mollusks in the middle of shallow water.

Life is interesting. There are days that suck, of course, but weather like this reminds me that days are polar in nature, and the one thing to do is keep on living and appreciate every moment.

{3/25/2012} AVABAR
[gen] koi